This is probably going to be a long rambling post, so if you're just reading it to hear what the news is, feel free to skip over parts of it.
The story I want tell starts three days ago. Last Thursday I woke up in a pretty bad mood. Although we have hardly been waiting I started to feel like we were NEVER going to get a baby and how could I possibly just keep waiting without knowing anything. This is compounded by the fact that I don't have a job for the next school year, and although the plan for me to stay home with a baby for a year was a good one--it was going to be a problem if we didn't have a baby. I was also keenly aware that the time when we would have had a baby if our last round of IVF had worked was quickly approaching. I was not really mourning the "biological" child we would be having, but I was certainly in a funk about the fact that if things had gone as planned I would be counting the days until our baby was born and I wouldn't have this feeling that my future plans were totally out of my control.
So this was my mindset on Thursday. Short fused would be an understatement. A very minor schedule change was thrown at me at the last minute at school and I had a mini-breakdown, complete with me calling DH and telling him I wanted to quit my job ( there is only about 6 weeks left in the school year mind you) and sitting in my classroom crying ( luckily my students were in the art studio). Anyhow 3:00 finally came and to add salt on my wounds I had to drive all the way out to the Main Line to pick up our car, which has been a complete disaster for us (despite only having about 45,000 miles on it) and has been in and out of the shop way too much. So this was the backdrop to my phone ringing while I was completely stopped in traffic on the blue route due to all of the crazy construction.
I saw that it was Lisa our social worker, but I was in such a NEGATIVE state of mind that it didn't occur to me that she might have news. We had just sent off copies of our profile in Spanish to her, so I assumed she was calling to say she had received them. Also I knew she had told DH the week before that she was leaving the agency (another source of unhappiness for me) so I figured she was calling to to talk to me about that too. So I answered the phone exchanged pleasantries and she asked if I was in the car. I answered yes, because who lies to their social worker? But soon regretted it since she started in about how she doesn't believe in people talking on cell phones while driving etc. etc. and I should call her back later. I told her I was on my way to the dealer to pick up our car so it would be a while before I got home and she said that would be no problem just call her when I got home.
In retrospect this should have been a clue. But I was in such a NEGATIVE state of mind that I was just annoyed that she was one of those anti cell phone zealots and now I would have to wonder what she wanted to talk about. I honestly did not think this was "the call". It crossed my mind but I just dismissed it. I called DH to complain about how long it was taking at the dealer to get the car back, and mentioned Lisa's call. He agreed it was surely not "the call" or she would have said something like "I have good news for you!" or something along those lines. In retrospect this doesn't really make that much sense but at the time it made perfect sense.
So I finally got home and called Lisa. She didn't answer and I left a message. It was a beautiful day so I was sitting out on the back patio and DH came out to join me and hear about my miserable day. Then the phone rang and it was Lisa. I answered it and the first thing she asked was whether DH was there and can I put the phone on speaker. Well I'm dense but not that dense. My hands started shaking and I handed the phone to DH and said I have no idea how to do this you do it. (It's super easy, I've done it before many times and he did it no problem but I was starting to totally freak out!)
Then she told us that we had been picked by a birth mother! I went into to total shock. I was shaky and teary and could barely speak. She told us that ours was the only profile she had liked and she picked it because she could tell we really "liked" each other and she felt like if we were that happy with each other we could surely love her baby too. This is something adoptive parents involved in open adoptions always wonder about. You spend all of this time putting together your profile and wonder what if anything will make someone think you might be worthy of parenting their child. Sometimes birth parents are never able to articulate exactly what it was. I will be forever grateful that the love DH and I have for each other was somehow clear in that profile, and also that we really do "like" each other. We are best friends and partners and feel eternally grateful that we found each other and I'm glad that somehow we were able to express that.
Okay-so here comes the paragraph that every adoptive parent involved in domestic open adoption needs to throw in there. THIS IS NOT OUR BABY YET. EXPECTANT MOTHERS CHANGE THEIR MINDS ALL THE TIME!!!! In Pennsylvania ( which is where this em (expectant mom) is living, a mother has 30 days after her child is born to change her mind for any reason. This means that even if we have the baby home for a month we could have to give it back because --it's not really our baby yet. The reason we picked out agency is in order to mediate this risk. They will do lots of counseling with the expectant mom to make sure this is the decision she really wants to make. To help her understand how she will feel and how she will deal with these feelings etc. But of course birthmothers change their minds and they have every right to do so and that is the reality of adoption.
For now though it sounds like a pretty good situation for us. I won't blog about the details of the situation, because IF this works out it becomes not so much my story but my child's story and they will need to decide how much they want to share publicly about their story.
We are meeting our expectant mom on Wednesday. We are SUPER nervous. But one thing we know for sure. It is an amazing and brave woman that even considers making an adoption plan for her baby knowing that although it will be incredibly painful for her it is in the best interest of her child. I don't know many people that are asked to make that kind of utterly self-less decision in their life.
As for us we are beyond excited. Although we are mindful of what could happen, we know that no matter what at this point we will be disappointed if it doesn't work out so we might as well enjoy this time because if everything works out we could be parents in less than a month!
I also have to admit that panic is slowly starting to set in for me. I have to write reports for my students, pack up my classroom prepare the babies room, read about a thousand books about baby care and figure out if there is more "stuff" that I must have. Oh and did I mention that DH starts a brand new job next Monday? Meanwhile I can barely string together coherent sentences or complete a task without getting completely distracted.
I know this is a rambling post but I want this blog to be a record of this crazy roller coaster ride and to say there is a lot going on right now would be an understatement.
I will leave you with one final thought that. If this works out: May 24th would have been basically the exact due date we would have had if our IVF had worked out. Isn't life crazy?
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