Well after having a great week at home with DH and then a week with my mom and dad, yesterday was the first day Henry J and I were on our own. Unfortunately it started out a bit rough because HJ was a bit of a cranky pants from about 4-6 am. And then he did take a good nap in the afternoon but I just couldn't get to sleep. One of my biggest challenges as a mommy so far is my in ability to take daytime naps. Everyone tells me that eventually I will get tired enough that it will happen, so I am hoping that I can train myself to do this soon. Our big accomplishment for the day yesterday was taking both Willow and Henry out for a walk. This involved a great deal of planning in order to get, carriage, baby and dog outside with out really leaving baby unattended but I felt quite pleased with myself once I had accomplished it.
By the time DH got home at about 7:00 I was EXHAUSTED and went up to bed around 8:30 leaving DH to deal with Henry, the dishes and Willow all on his own. When he came up at about 10:00 he looked a little frazzled from dealing with trying to feed HJ get Henry in the ergo carrier on his own, take Willow for a walk and deal with an explosive diaper all in a 90 minute period. By the time he got upstairs Henry was fussing for a bottle again! This meant that he had eaten 3oz at 5:00pm, 2oz, at 6:30, and 3oz at 7:30 and then another 3oz at about 10:15. I was seriously concerned about what the night time was going to bring with a schedule like that, considering he had been up eating frequently the night before also. So about 10:30 Henry fell asleep after his bottle and a change and we had lights out about 10:45 not to hear another peep until 5:00 AM!!! I was so grateful to finally get a good chunk of sleep! Henry ate ferociously and went back to sleep until about 8:00 where he then woke up incredibly alert and cheerful after eating happy to hang out in his co-sleeper while I got dressed, put away some laundry and got everything packed up to take downstairs. (three floors is kind of a challenge!) Then we had some play time he had another bottle and went down for a nap. I figured I better update my blog while I'm not totally exhausted since I find it really difficult to write under those circumstances. I realize this entry is a little heavy on the details and light on deep thoughts but honestly that is where my head is these days. With the exception of last night from about 7:30-10:30 pm I am loving every second of being a mommy and have to pinch myself sometimes to believe that this is actually my life. I'm sure there are more hard days to come but right now when I look down at HJ's precious little face and think about our lives together I am overwhelmed with joy and excitement. I just wish my ankle would get better! I have attached some photos but sadly not of his face due to agency policy on sharing pictures electronically before the adoption is finalized. I am trying to get hard copies sent out everyday so if you haven't received any you would like to just send me an e-mail and I will get some to you! It's killing me not to share my beautiful boy with the whole world!
To say that a lot has happened since the last post would be a serious understatement. So much has happened and our lives have forever changed so dramatically that it overwhelms me to even begin trying to explain all that has happened. Amazingly it has only been three weeks and three days since my last post, but it seems like a lifetime ago. I will have to go back eventually and tell more of the story in detail, but for now I will outline the facts and then I will be able to post more frequently without being bogged down with how much I need to explain!
In my last post I mentioned that we had been matched with a birthmom who was due around May 24th but would have a scheduled c-section. That seemed like such a short time and we were SO excited! I was barely sleeping or making sense trying to get everything prepared. We then found out that we would meet HJ's birthmom that week on Wednesday. Unfortunately Monday morning as I was walking into school carrying boxes I tripped and sprained my ankle terribly. I have never in my life sprained my ankle and it caused me to have two days off of school, and a trip to the ER and now three weeks later it is still not totally healed. Then of course we were ti meet HJ's birthmom on that Wednesday and I was terribly worried about the impression I would make on her if I hobbled in on crutches. I will save most of the details of that meeting for HJ to share with as he would like as he gets older, but I will say that his first mom is an incredibly impressive young woman that DH and I both felt an imediate bond with.
Needless to say we were excited and hopeful after meeting "T" and thinking about all the things we would have to get done in such a short amount of time. Then the next day (Thursday), things really got crazy! We received a call from our social worker saying that "T" (HJ's birthmom) had been to the doctor and that her c-section was scheduled for following Thursday. That's right ONE WEEK to get everything ready and I was barely able to do anything due to my severely sprained ankle. Needless to say that was a very busy weekend. Somehow with the help of dear MIL & SIL we managed to get HJ's nursery together and a few other things done to prepare as well. I think that my insane desire to complete TASKS was also a way of trying not to think about the fact that at any moment this could all fall apart.
Henry Jeremiah came into the world at about 12:30 in the afternoon born healthy and robust 6lbs130z and 19 inches long. Henry for DH's grandpa and Jeremiah was the name given to him by his brithmom who loved hims so much that she wanted to give him the life she felt he deserved and that she was not able to give him at this time. It was the longest morning of my life as his daddy and I just sat in the living room staring at the phone willing it to ring and give us the news we had been waiting for. Every second seemed endless.
The next couple of days were filled with joy, and sorrow and anxiety and JOY. So much so that I simply could not bring myself to blog about anything. It all seemed so fragile. At the last minute on Thursday we were able to rush to the hospital and hold sweet baby boy on his birthday. A gift so precious I will be forever grateful. The next day, Friday was an extremely difficult one for HJ's first mom and as we were getting ready to visit her and HJ in the hospital the phone rang with the call we had feared the most. Our social worker told us to begin to prepare for the adoption not working out. I have no idea how one goes about preparing for that because just meeting him and feeding him and holding him we had already fallen in love and hearing that news was wrenching. That was an awful awful day for us and a tough one for HJ's birthmom too. The next day however "T" made the ultimate loving and courageous decision that what she wanted for sweet baby boy was for us to be his parents and we spent the day at the hospital with her and Henry and then the next day Sunday, Mother's day, we finally brought home our sweet bundle of joy.
Having gone through almost losing him we are keenly aware of the 30 day period in which "T" still has the right to change her mind, but we are mostly grateful to her for every precious second we get to spend with our beautiful son.
HJ has now been home one week and two days. Baby, Daddy and Mommy had a magical week together in our snug little house that finally feels complete as we all got to know each other in our new roles. Then on Sunday Grammy arrived and has been a great help cooking, cleaning and doing laundry, that is when she can tear herself away from baby Henry. Mostly we just watch him and marvel at how precious every sound, every expression and every movement he makes is.
He went to the doctor yesterday and he has already gained back all of his birth weight and then some! He is definitely a good eater. For now he seems happy and healthy and and his Daddy and and I feel like the luckiest people alive.